You Finally Gave In and Got a Pet

Congratulations! You’ve just adopted a small, cute dictator who will ruin your money account and maybe even your sanity all by themselves. Pet food and supplies aren’t “extra purchases” anymore; they’re a way of life.

More poop bags than CrossFit.

In the past, “pet care” meant putting yesterday’s leftovers in a bowl and letting your dog eat them. What now?

It has grain-free chow that you can subscribe to, lavender-scented kitty litter, orthopedic memory foam pet beds, and chew toys made of “ethically sourced” alpaca wool. The industry basically figured out that millennials and Gen Z would rather go hungry than let their dog eat the “wrong” brand of chicken-flavored food.

Luna does require the freeze-dried duck hearts from Whole Foods. You? You can live on cold pizza crusts.

The Pet Food Aisle — Pretty Much Whole Foods in Disguise

When you walk into PetSmart or Petco, do you not feel like you’ve unintentionally walked into a fancy food co-op?

• Grain-free, organic kibble with probiotics (since your dog’s digestive health is supposedly more important than yours).
• Raw patties that have been freeze-dried and appear like meals for astronauts, but they cost more than your NASA sweater.
• Drizzle salmon oil on top for that Michelin-star taste.

While you’re standing there, your bank account screaming, you’re questioning yourself:
“Do I want to pay rent or do I want Mr. Snuffles to have artisanal lamb bites glazed in bone marrow?”

Spoiler: you always pick Snuffles because guilt marketing works.

If your dog heard you order from Starbucks and saw the trash in your fridge, he would call PETA.

You Love the Supplies Section, but It’s a Trap

Your dignity dies when you buy pet supplies. You come in needing “just food” and leave with:

• A noisy toy in the shape of a pumpkin, because it’s fall.
• A fleece hoodie for your dog, who, by the way, hates you now.
• A litter box that cleans itself and costs more than the down payment on your car.
• A 48-pack of crap bags in “fun colors” because, for some reason, how poop looks is important.

Truth bomb: You don’t need all of the resources for your pet.

The collar that glows in the dark? That’s so people can see you walking your dog at night and thinking about your life choices.

The memory foam bed for your bones? That’s so you don’t feel like a monster every time you lie down on your old, lumpy mattress.

The same FOMO energy that the Apple Store uses to sell pet care products: “Your cat will have attachment problems if you don’t get this $45 lick mat.”

Okay, I think I’ll put something in my cart before Whiskers signs the paperwork for freedom.

The Mindset Behind Spending Too Much on Your Pet

Let’s speak about why you keep doing this.

• Guilt: You left your pet alone for five hours, and now you think that getting them a soft avocado toy will make them feel better.
• Projection: You don’t have any money and you’re weary, but it’s easier to purchase your dog an oat-milk-flavored chew bone than to go to therapy.
• TikTok stress: You are now buying paw balm in a frenzy because some influencer’s Pomeranian has better skin care than you.

You can call it “responsible pet care,” but let’s be honest: it’s just emotional shopping in disguise.

We put our preoccupation with health on our pets when we provide them curated, BPA-free water bowls.

And don’t even get me started on “pet subscription boxes.”

Wow, your cat will overlook the themed toys you give them every month right away. Motivating.

I haven’t gotten any actual mail that wasn’t a bill in 12 years, but yes, please send Luna her own sushi plushies.

The Existential Crisis of Trash and Poop Bags

You still have to deal with poop no matter what you buy, whether it’s biodegradable trash, eco-friendly pee pads, or fancy poop bags.

All of these things you buy are basically fancy ways to deal with the biological waste of an animal that doesn’t even pay rent.

• Do you want fancy litter that smells like lavender? Your cat will still kick it onto the floor like she’s in a sand pit at the Olympics.
• Do you have biodegradable poop bags? Adorable. Until the bag breaks while you’re walking and you have to stand in public and think about your life.
• Dog wipes? You are out here wiping the paws of babies when the soap in your own bathroom is a crusty free sample from last year’s trip to Target.

When do you finally tell the truth? You only clean your own house part-time.

The Bed Situation Is Out of Hand

Why does your pet need five beds in a one-bedroom apartment? Because of marketing. That’s why.

• One for the living room.
• One for the room.
• A “travel bed” for travels you won’t ever take.
• Don’t forget about the $120 window perch that your cat only used once before deciding your suitcase was nicer.

Your bed frame is kept together with duct tape, and your mattress has been through a lot. Priorities.

But it’s all part of “showing love.”

While you’re out here waking up with scoliosis, your dog is lying on orthopedic foam.

You Know They’re in Charge

At this point, you have to realize that you’re basically paying for their way of life.

They’re not simply pets anymore. They are spoilt dependents who like high-end things.

You haven’t bought any new clothes since Obama was president, but you’re dressing up your dog.

And do they care? Nope.

• Your cat still doesn’t pay attention to you.
• Your dog still eats socks.

But at 2 a.m., you’re still browsing at another “soothing heartbeat plushie” on Amazon just in case your dog gets bored while you’re out running errands.

This isn’t “pet care.” This is emotional work that doesn’t pay, with squeaky toys.

Final Thoughts

Congratulations! You now know that the best way to swindle people is to sell them pet food and supplies.

You’ll keep buying, they’ll keep disregarding half of it, and we’ll all keep thinking it’s worth it.

Your pets definitely own your cash, your schedule, and maybe even your spirit.

But hey, you made it to the conclusion of this post! Don’t worry, your cat will still judge you afterward.