Your Dog Is Old, and So Are You (Sort Of)

Remember When Your Dog Was Full of Energy?

Do you remember when your dog would go around like a kid on Red Bull? Sure, but now they moan when they roll over, sleep for 19 hours a day, and walk slower than that one Target customer who clogs the whole aisle. Welcome to the old age stage of pet ownership, when you have to be a caretaker, a cook, a nurse, and sometimes even a poop cleanup consultant (since stomachs don’t stay young forever, my buddy).

Taking care of an older dog is like operating both a middle school and a nursing home at the same time. They are charming, needy, and sometimes hard to understand. But don’t worry. This is merely an advanced version of pet care. Instead of “fun TikTok montage of puppies,” think more like “Oh, cool, I bought joint supplements instead of Starbucks oat milk this week.”

Food: It’s Pretty Much the Same as Dog Nursing Home Food Now

Because dogs are becoming older, their metabolisms slow down, and all of a sudden, Chunky McChewface can’t eat as much as he used to. Welcome to the dog version of meal planning.

Goodbye to odd pieces of food. Karen, your puppy is no longer 2. That greasy piece of pizza crust will now cause a stomach problem that lasts three days and ends with you cleaning carpets while wondering what you did wrong.

Hey bougie dog chow for older dogs. Yes, “specialty formulas” that cost more than your previous DoorDash binge are now a part of your life. Brown rice kibble with glucosamine in small batches? Yes. “Digestive blend” of salmon and pumpkin? Yes, twice. With this money, you could have gone to Coachella.

Supplements, baby! You look like a Whole Foods aisle with fur on it, with fish oil, probiotics, and joint chews.

By the way, why do dogs sometimes eat grass? Because they’re elderly, strange, and probably trying to get on your nerves.

An aging dog’s stomach is more sensitive than yours the day after you eat Taco Bell. Be careful with it.

Exercise: Dramatic Sighs and Slow Walks

No more running 5 miles or playing frisbee for hours. Your older dog is getting ready for “mall walk at 9 am with retirees” energy. That’s OK. But it takes time.

Dogs stop in the middle of a walk and just stand there, looking into space. You don’t know if they spotted a ghost or just lost where they were headed.

Going up the stairs suddenly feels like a scary challenge.

Sometimes the walk is just 10 minutes of sniffing the same bush, which you will have to pretend is a fun thing to do.

Here’s the catch: senior dogs still need exercise, but it should be the kind of activity that old people do in a silver sneakers class. You can’t just let them stay on your couch all the time. Get them to move, but don’t expect them to do it quickly.

And yes, everyone in your neighborhood will now believe your dog is a hero just because he has gray eyebrows.

Health Vibes: Monthly Vet Budgets (Also Known as Bankruptcy) Are Here!

Here’s some free trauma: taking your aging dog to the vet will cost you more than your therapy sessions. And you’re going to need both.

Medications for arthritis? Costly. Pills for the heart? Costly. Cleaning teeth? More than just your own dentist visit. And don’t forget about the $600 emergency visit because your dog sneezed funny and you freaked out.

To be honest, taking care of an older pet involves keeping track of their medications, pill pockets (those expensive treats that hide pills but the dog always discovers the pill), and hydration levels like you’re trying out for a job as a veterinary nurse.

Your kitchen counter will literally turn into Pet Walgreens because you’re broke yet nostalgic. Small pill bottles. Whatever you can chew. A random syringe that makes you stress out. This is the start of your new life. You didn’t sign up, but here we are.

Comfort Is Key

When your dog would rather have a new mattress than you, comfort is key. Your ancient dog doesn’t care about the new Amazon essentials dog bed you got. They want orthopedic foam, warming pads, soft blankets, and practically a Westin Hotel suite. And you know what? Fair. They deserve it. But seeing you roll around on your lumpy IKEA mattress while your dog lays on a $350 orthopedic pad is enough to make me really mad.

Get ready for:

• More sleep. So many times to sleep. You have never been more envious of someone who can sleep for 16 hours straight.
• They sleep in strange ways that make them look dead, yet they’re merely vibing.
• Having to use ramps or stairs to get to the couch and bed. That’s great, but if you trip over them in the dark and scream like a horror movie victim, it’s not.

The truth is that you live with a little grandma or grandpa that growls, sleeps, and judges you without saying anything.

Feelings: The “They’re Old, and Now I Cry Weekly” Chapter

Here’s the emotional gut-punch that no one tells you: you cry more as your dog gets older. They’ll still be entertaining, cuddly, and sometimes annoying, but seeing them slow down hurts more than your student loan statement.

They may look at walls because they don’t remember what they were doing. They can’t always jump up for snacks anymore. Sometimes they just walk up and put their head on your lap, and you think, “Wow, this dog has been with me through every life crisis since high school and now they need ME.”

It’s time for an emotional breakdown.

But don’t freak out. The whole goal of this senior period is to indulge them, love them, and giggle at how they’re like retired Floridians in fur. It’s heartbreaking, too expensive, and annoying, but it’s also the most faithful thing you’ll ever do.

Conclusion: You Did It! Congratulations on Your Downward Spiral

There you have it. In a messy, snarky summary, here is how to take care of an older dog. You are now basically in charge of a hospice and a comedy show at the same time. Your heart hurts in that “I love this idiot so much” manner, your wallet is lighter, and your house smells like joint cream and dog food.

Congratulations! If you made it to the conclusion of this guide, you are now the responsible one in your circle of friends. But also, get ready—you’ll cry into that orthopedic dog bed at some time. And to be honest? That’s sort of the point.