Welcome to the Age of Self-Care for Four-Legged Animals

Do you remember when pets were just pets? They ate remnants from the table, rolled around in the ground, and sometimes chased the neighbor’s kid on a bike. What now? Now, they want to be wellness influencers and have better mental health routines than any of us have had since 2020.

Welcome to Niantic, where your dog doesn’t simply go for a walk. Oh no, your furry baby gets a whole therapy session with wellness packages that sound like Goop but with more barking.

Taking care of pets has become something that seems quite fancy. It’s like this: while you’re freaking out about your credit card being declined at Starbucks, your labradoodle is probably reclining on a weighted blanket at Pet Wellness Spa: Niantic edition.

Well done. You are now your pet’s free Uber driver, chauffeur, masseuse scheduler, and emotional support staff.

Dog Therapy: Because Why Should You Be the Only One Who Is a Mess?

The truth is that pets are said to need therapy now. Yes, Fluffy may be sad because you moved the couch. Or because you took a trip over the weekend. Or because—get ready—you had the nerve to leave the house without her.

This is what therapy for pets in Niantic really looks like:

• Behavioral consultations are when you pay someone to tell you that your dog is acting up.
• Massage therapy (yep, someone really rubs your dog while you wait with envy).
• Reiki, often known as “energy balancing,” is something you can do if you like holistic vibes or just want to waste money while Clementine the pug “releases” toxic chi.

And hey, I’m not saying pet care is bad. But let’s stop here.

Your therapy? Most likely on a waiting list.
Fido’s treatment? Next Tuesday at 1 p.m., you’ll have a foot soak in cucumber water.
Make it make sense.

(Meanwhile, you’re still dealing with your own depression like a pro.)

Niantic’s Version of Dog Yoga: Puppy Zen Class

Ah yes, the famed “yoga for dogs.” Because what could be better than sweating in your Target pants in a hot studio? Next to a labradoodle who pants louder than you do.

These Niantic wellness products for pets are the best way to “eat, pray, bark.” And to be honest, they are kind of brilliant in a way that is both evil and smart.

They’ve taken trends in treatment for people and made them work for dogs:

• Doga is like yoga, but you sit there while your shih tzu eats the mat.
• Meditation is like guided relaxation for pets (yes, swirl incense about while your pitbull looks perplexed).
• Journaling is keeping track of how your pet is feeling (like, did Biscuit bark too much today? Write it down).

This is the end of capitalism in furry leggings. You want to laugh, but you also want to know where to sign up.

Wellness Plans That Feel Like Paying for Guilt Every Month

You pay a “monthly membership fee” for Niantic pet wellness, and then your dog receives a bunch of services, like frequent examinations, therapy sessions, grooming, and even nail trims. It’s like ClassPass for little dogs.

It sounds great until you realize you are:

• Spending more on your dog’s manicures than on your own.
• Driving across town for “pet therapy sessions” while putting off your real therapy four times in a row.
• Buying “calming treats” that look a lot like food but are “for dogs.”

These health plans can help with preventative pet care, but don’t get me wrong. But they make you feel like a lousy parent until you use your credit card.

You can try leaving the clinic without signing up after Dr. Langley remarks, “Waffles really benefited from today’s relaxation massage.” You won’t. They know you’re guilty. They love it when you feel guilty.

The Emotional Olympics of Being a Pet Parent

Having a pet in Niantic and being able to use this wellness-therapy gadget is like being in the Emotional Olympics. Everyone is showing off. Every week, someone gives their French bulldog acupuncture. Another doodle receives blueberry masks. You have a Golden Retriever with you who is just glad to chew on cardboard.

The pressure is still real, though. In 2025, pets are more than simply pets; they are emotional stand-ins.

So what does it mean about you if your corgi isn’t doing well in therapy? (Answer: Everything, it seems.)

This is how you come to terms with it:

“Of course Baxter needs therapy. Since the Amazon driver came yesterday, he’s been stressed. Health is important, and to be honest, he deserves kale more than I do.”

“If I pay $200 for Franklin’s anxiety session, maybe he’ll stop crying when the AC comes on.”

Spoiler: He won’t stop. He will cry more. But you’ll keep paying since love costs a lot and self-respect is easy to overlook.

Listen, here’s the deal: you and I can make fun of Niantic’s dog therapy programs all day. But when it comes down to it? You’re signing up. And you know this.

You’d be happy to go broke so your dog can sip chicken broth while meditating in a Zen garden, since their dumb flawless face is so cute.

Wellness and rehabilitation programs for pets take advantage of one universal truth: we love these animals more than most people do. And they know this.

They’ll sell you guilt, put it in lavender-scented sprays, and then you’re stuck for a year.

I know you’re rolling your eyes right now, but save this post. In two months, you’ll be messaging a friend, “LOL, I just signed Sushi up for aromatherapy.”

Saw results right away. “10 out of 10 recommend.”

In Conclusion: Congratulations on Becoming the Free Assistant Manager of Your Pet’s Soul

In conclusion, well done! You are the Assistant Manager of Your Dog’s Soul.

That’s it—pet therapy and wellness in Niantic. You laughed and made fun of it, but you’re probably also looking for “pet acupuncture Niantic, CT” on Yelp right now.

Don’t worry. You made it to the end of my tirade, which indicates you either love suffering or you really needed to know that you’re not the only one who is losing their income to Spot’s quest for inner peace.

Listen: life is short, your dog is dramatic, and you might even skip your own dental appointment before you skip their massage.

Congratulations on becoming the free assistant manager of your pet’s soul. I hope the benefits are nice.